Yearning to feel loved
by Flaming-Craig-Head
Summary: A Tragic event leaves Ashley and Sean to find a way to cope. I suck at summaries lol
1. Prologue

**Rated: PG-13 for language and drug/alcohol abuse**

**Pairings: Sash(Sean/Ash)**

**A/N: this is my first fic so I don't know if it's any good but well we'll see. It's in Ashley's POV Hope you like please R&R.**

1 and things aren't going so well. My grades are slipping. I have absolutely zero friends & have been skipping classes to booze & stone. No one's here for me.

**A/N: Pretty bad I know but it gets better.**


	2. Chapter 1: Not so well

**A/N: Ashley's POV**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the degrassi chara's hangouts ect. I dont own bob the turtle either. Bob belongs to Ashley"Hazel Aden" of degrassi boards. **

**so there!**

**Chapter 1: Not so well.**

**Beep! Beep! Beep! **I hit the alarm clock so hard it falls and breaks, but I just keep on with my morning routine. I brush my teeth, comb my hair and all that good stuff, the put on a faded old pair of jeans that were torn at the knees, throw on a black top and slide on and lace up my red high top converse and leave.

I decide to skip school to hang out with Ellie. I get into my car insert the key, turn it and… no gas "Damnit!" I curse as I hit the steering wheel. I look around. I spot JT skateboarding over to pick up Tobes. He stops. I get out of my car and take his 'board. " Thanks Yorke" I as I skateboard down the street.

It's amazing how different the world looks when you're a loner. When I was with Craig everything was beautiful and full life and music! Back in grade 8 when I was with Jimmy everything was so cute and happy. Now…now everything is black and shitty.

"Ow damnit" I mutter as I fall flat on my face.

"You okay?"

It was Craig. He helps me up

"Yeah I'm fine, and I think Bob will be too" I say as I get up and hand him the cute turtle.

"So, what brings you here" Craig asks.

"I'm on my way to Ellie's"

"Taking the long way, Wait. Arent you going to school?"

I retaliate with "Arent you"

"Well I was until you hit my turtle and fell on my feet"

"Sorry"

"Naw it's cool"

"Well i'm off then bye" I fanally say.

"yeah bye"

_That_ was the longest conversation Craig and I've had since we broke up.

I finally get to Ellie's. The door's open, so i walk in past her mother who is unsurprizingly pasted out on the coach. I go upstairs into Ellie's room and what I find is not what I expected.

**A/N: I'm so so evil! Yes? I hope you like, well Please Read and review!**


	3. Chapter2:Scared as Hell

**A/N: No reviews yet...oh well Ashley's POV. Please R&R! **

**Chapter 2: Scared as Hell**

"Oh my Gosh,Oh My Gosh" I'm so scared. I dont know whatto do so I pick up the phone and call Sean.

"Hello?" he says.I know he's confused.

"Sean, it's Ash I'm at Ellie's and I think she's...dead" I'm terrified and getting frantic and I think that Sean can tell.

"Dont worry,I'm coming right over. It'll all be fine. 'click' he hung up.

He's scared too I can hear it in his voice I look over at Ellie and I meanreally examine her this time. I moved the blood covered hand from her neck _BIG _mistake I jump back something broke my fall. It was Sean. I pull myself up.

"How..how long have you been here" I stutter. when I said this it was alot gentler thant the statment usually is from me.

"long enough to know" He pauses he's eyes are red and tears are streeming down his face."That she's gone" He's crying hard now,harder than I. I embrace him in awarm hug. We're just standing here crying,not knowing what to say,do or think. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me! I just cant believe my best friend is dead,gone. The worst thing is that I probably could've stopped her. Sean senses my sudden unease.

"Ash, what _else _is bothering you"

"She died,Sean, She's dead she' gone"

"Ash ,I know it's hard, i know it hurts" he's pretty choked up. Both of us still are crying.

"You dont understand Sean, I could've stopped this! She was throwing thses sigjns at me,I could've stopped her,but I didn't do SHIT" I'm practicaly yelling at him.

"You couldn't, have done anything Ashley,nothing. I've tried to talk her out of this but she really wanted to die."

"What the hell'd we every do to make her want this,huh,what Sean what". I'm crying more now. more than i've ever cried before. Why does this have to happen. what the hell'd I ever do to deserve this.

"I don't know." his voice is hsakier than mine.

We walk over to her body and examine the hand and neck once more.

"She slit her throught,looks like. She must've grabbed her neck in pain and then diedimmediately after."Sean says.We both just stand there and cry in the silence. I cant beleive my best friend is dead.. I still cant beleive.

"We should go wash our hands" Seanseems eager to clean the blood of , but I'm not yet ready to let go.

"You go ahead, I wait awhile, I think it'll keep me close until I'm ready to let go.

"Take your time I'll be waiting" and with Sean walks into the bathroom to clean his hands.

**A/N: hope you liked it please submitt you reviews!**


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